I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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