Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
