I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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