I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
someone owes me an orgasm
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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