Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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