How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
