I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
