I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
