wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
how drunk are you?
Several
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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