At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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