actually, I'm a sock model
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
