my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
