If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
