She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
