Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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