Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
