did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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