I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
