literally had 100 drinks last night.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
