That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
