I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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