glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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