he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
