did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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