it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Randomize
