ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
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