I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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