So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
