Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
