if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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