Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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