I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
