I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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