hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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