this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
