Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
so let's talk penis.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
