dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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