i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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