I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I got inside last night via doggy door
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
