Your dad touched me again.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Is it because I queefed?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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