If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
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