Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
there was a trapeze. enough said
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
