Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Randomize
