I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
this just has baby written all over it
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
