I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
