Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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