I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Holy shit dude........stairs
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