I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
