singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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