he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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